Finding a sympathy gift that shows how much you care for the deceased and the loved ones they left behind is hard. It should comfort, not burden.
Gifts that lighten their load, like food for the busy days ahead or money for funeral expenses, are often great picks. However, things like raw meal kits and high-maintenance living plants may add more to the recipient’s workload when they have little capacity.
Use our sympathy gift delivery guide for ideas that will be received in the way you intend.
Thoughtful sympathy gift ideas
Grief can make everyday tasks feel harder; a thoughtful sympathy gift can offer comfort or take one small responsibility off someone’s plate. Handwritten notes, meals, self-care items and lasting memorials each express care in different ways.
Here are some thoughtful bereavement gift ideas to consider:
Sympathy cards: Share a few sincere words about the person who died and offer your condolences. Don’t worry about finding the perfect thing to say in your sympathy card, but avoid messages that make the grieving person comfort others..
Food and meal delivery: Send ready to eat meals to provide practical support during the early stages of grief. Grieving families often receive several premade dishes, so as a bonus, send items that can be frozen and eaten later.
Flowers and plants: Sympathy flowers like peace lilies and orchids are traditional gifts, especially when white or pastel. Plants can be a longer-lasting option for someone who appreciates having a living reminder at home, but avoid finicky plants like fiddle-leaf figs.
Self-care and comfort gifts: Candles, tea, blankets, journals and other soothing gifts can offer a small source of comfort during a difficult time. Choose something suited to the recipient’s personality rather than treating self-care as a one-size-fits-all solution.
Customized memorial gifts: Engraved keepsakes, memorial stones, wind chimes and embroidered plushies can provide a lasting tribute. When customizing a gift, choose something personal, like a message from the loved one in their handwriting or a meaningful date.
Charitable donations: Make a donation to a charity or cause in the deceased’s memory. Or, send their family cash or a check to help cover funeral expenses. Follow the family’s stated preference and, when possible, choose the organization they specifically named.
Grab it now on Instacart
What to know about sending a sympathy gift
The best place to send a sympathy gift depends on the type of gift and the recipient’s preference. Cards and sympathy flowers can generally be sent to either a funeral home or a private residence, but it’s considerate to check first.
Some people may shy away from giving sympathy gifts because their schedules don't allow them to find, prepare, and then personally deliver a gift to the recipient. Instacart makes it easy to find sympathy gifts and have them delivered straight to the recipient.
Send a bereavement gift to the recipient’s home
Have personal sympathy gifts, such as fruit, gift baskets, prepared meals, books, journals and care packages, delivered to a private residence. Before placing an order, find out whether the recipient prefers a home address or a P.O. box.
If you’re sending a gift directly to someone experiencing loss:
Confirm the preferred address: Identify the address the recipient wants you to use rather than assuming their home address is best.
Consider the timing: Think about when your gift will be most useful. If you expect the family to receive plenty of prepared food immediately after the loss, consider sending a meal or care package a week or two later. If the funeral is delayed, an earlier delivery may provide welcome support in the meantime.
Include a personal note: Add a short message so the recipient knows who sent the gift and why you’re thinking of them.
Send a bereavement gift to the funeral home
Public tributes such as standing sprays and other memorial displays are generally sent to the funeral home or service location. Funeral homes often have specific procedures for receiving flowers and other deliveries, so check with the funeral home before arranging delivery.
When sending a gift to a funeral home:
Confirm the funeral home’s details: Verify the name and address, along with the service date if applicable.
Include the deceased’s name: Provide the full name of the person who died so staff can direct the delivery to the appropriate service.
Check delivery requirements: Ask whether the funeral home has preferred delivery hours or restrictions on certain types of arrangements.
Sympathy gift etiquette
Grief can make the smallest decisions feel massive, so the most considerate approach when sending a sympathy gift is to follow the family’s wishes and avoid adding to their stress.
Here are some bereavement gift etiquette tips:
Read the obituary and social media notices: If the obituary asks for donations in place of flowers, respect that preference and explore gifts to send instead of flowers. Often, obituaries and online posts by the family also share delivery instructions and other important details.
Choose a gift based on your relationship to the recipient: The nature of your relationship can help determine how personal or substantial your gift should be. Cards or in-season flowers are appropriate for a coworker or acquaintance; meals, groceries or financial support are more common for close friends and family.
Avoid gifts that add to stress or grief: Consider whether the recipient will have the time or energy to care for what you send. Living plants may require ongoing maintenance that recipients aren’t in a place to handle, and cheer-up cards can feel out of touch. A simple gesture that acknowledges their loss is often more appropriate.
Respect cultural and religious customs: Mourning practices can vary significantly across families and religious communities, so avoid assuming any sympathy gift is appropriate. For instance, Jewish mourning traditions generally discourage flowers but encourage food and charitable donations. Islamic traditions also place importance on charity, including giving on behalf of someone who has died. When in doubt, ask the family or someone familiar with their traditions.
Don’t expect a thank-you note: Someone who is grieving may not have the mental or emotional bandwidth to respond individually to every card, meal or gift they receive. Give without expecting acknowledgment, and don’t interpret a lack of response as a sign that your gesture wasn’t appreciated. It was.
FAQs
Can I get sympathy gifts delivered the same or next day?
Yes, you can usually have sympathy gifts delivered the same or next day. However, it ultimately depends on the item, store and delivery location. Instacart offers same-day delivery and the option to schedule deliveries. Personalized gifts generally take longer because customization can be time-consuming.
What bereavement gifts should I avoid sending?
Avoid sympathy gifts that create extra work or conflict with the family’s wishes. Living plants that require ongoing care, overly cheerful gifts and items that ignore cultural or religious customs aren’t appropriate.
What should you write in a sympathy card?
Keep your message simple and sincere. Express your condolences, mention the person who died if appropriate and let the recipient know you’re thinking of them or are available to help.
What gifts can I send instead of flowers after a death?
If you’d rather skip the sympathy bouquet, consider sending a prepared meal, groceries, a gift basket, a sympathy card, gift cards, a charitable donation or a personalized memorial gift.
How soon after someone dies should I send a sympathy card?
Send a sympathy card as soon as you can after learning about the death. But even if you’re delayed, still send the card. It’s a touching gesture even weeks or months later. If it feels like it’s been too long, go with a “thinking of you” message rather than focusing on condolences.
What should I put in a DIY bereavement gift basket?
A DIY sympathy gift basket works well when you know what will comfort the recipient.
Fill a basket with whatever they like. If you’re not sure where to start, start with a personal note, their favorite snacks and beverages, memory journals, or cozy slippers.
What stores carry ready-to-go condolence gifts?
Grocery stores, florists, gift shops and department stores carry ready-to-go sympathy gifts. When you know what gift you want to send, use Instacart to find retailers in your area that carry it and have it delivered.
Get same-day sympathy gifts through Instacart
When someone you care about is grieving, you may want to send something thoughtful. But it can be a tall order to go shopping and sort logistics on short notice, especially if you’re also grieving.
Getting delivery through Instacart can help make this time a little easier. Use the app to shop for sympathy cards, gifts and premade food. Then schedule a delivery to your coworker, friend, or loved one’s location.
